The writer in Genesis 2: 15-17 writes; 15 “The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die." When we read this passage as I have several times, you may have wondered as did I about the statement “….you will surely die.” What did God mean with that command? Obviously Adam and Eve did not physically die, they were cast out of the garden to live in much harsher conditions – but they did not die. So what does God mean here? What was he trying to tell Adam and Eve?
Reading “Our Daily Bread” devotional this morning it hit me right between the eyes – my “AH-HA” or GE light bulb moment. The author of the devotional, Dennis Fisher, talks about Albert Einstein’s view of the universe and Einstein’s take on God. He relates that when Einstein was asked if he believed in God, Einstein replied, “We are in the position of a little child entering a huge library filled with books in many languages. The child knows someone must have written those books. It does not know how. . . . That, it seems to me, is the attitude of even the most intelligent human beings toward God. We see the universe marvelously arranged and obeying certain laws but only dimly understand these laws.” Mr. Fisher continues to write that “Although Einstein marveled at the design he saw in nature, he did not believe in a personal Creator.”
As I read this lesson, it struck me that in the time between Genesis and Psalm 19: 1 where the writer of the Psalm declares, “The heavens declare the glory of God, and the firmament shows His handiwork” the nature of intellectual study was more of man and his place in God’s creation. But, as we moved forward from the Psalmist’s time to Einstein, intellectual study had turned more to how things work and why they work rather than their purpose in the divine design.
And now, just 54 years after the death of Albert Einstein it seems the Internet and television has pushed this intellectual knowledge further and faster than many of us can grasp. We not only have determined how most things work, we have also discovered the intimate workings of humans and why we think what we think. We know that all matter is created by joining together infinitesimal molecules and we know how each works with the other to create a human, beast or plant (and believe we humans can make a human being, animal or plant by simply cloning a cell). With our human intellect, we have sent rockets and satellite telescopes into space and we are sure we know the nature and origin of the universe. The human condition has turned from the awe of God’s “handiwork” to the desire to know and understand all the knowledge that God has. And the more knowledge we gain it seems that we move further and further away from the love and support of God and believe we can to do it all ourselves! What foolish beings God has created who would reject Him for knowledge – and spiritually die.
If we listen to the intellects of the day (and I use the term intellects very loosely here), they declare there is no God only human knowledge. We see it in our television programs, programs like HOUSE where a super “intelligent” doctor rejects God for the pragmatic intellect of humankind. Or in our education systems where the mere mention of God scares the wits out of “educators” and legislators to the point that saying God, Holy Father or praying in school, on the school’s grounds or as a “school official or teacher” when students are present, no matter where you are, is a crime in some states. In general then, is it that we have gained so much knowledge that we don’t need God and are, by definition, spiritually dead? In general it seems so. The devil causes us to believe that we are as smart as God. The evil one knows the human condition so well that he knows the more we learn the more likely we are to not believe in God, but to believe only in mankind’s abilities. After all, aren’t we getting just as intelligent as God? What has God done that we humans have not figured out and can do as well?
Thus the rise of the humanism movement and false religions such as Scientology that teaches reliance only on your ability to think, learn and perform. However, the rise in the divorce rate, the rise in the suicide rates, the rise in the number of people surveyed who admitted to cheating on spouses, taxes and in business call attention to the fact the we humans cannot go it alone. We seek direction and leadership in our daily lives, a moral compass and a failsafe support system. We feel like something is missing in our lives and we search desperately for it. We turn to alcohol abuse, drug abuse, sex abuse, money, fame, political and social power abuse to soothe that emptiness we feel. It never works and leads to divorce, homicide and suicide increases as well as bizarre behavior including insanity. For example, look at Howard Hughes. He was an extremely intelligent man who had a real talent for business and creating wealth. But who in the end turned into an insane old recluse because he was not anchored in Christ’s love. So many are lost when the storms of life rage because they rely on mankind’s abilities and are not firmly rooted in the love of God. Only a real foundation in God’s love through His Son Jesus Christ our Lord will always hold firm and secure us through any storm life can bring on.
We have, as a nation and world, moved so far from God’s love by relying and glorifying our “intelligence” that we “will surely die.” Perhaps not physically today, but spiritually today and forever to the glory of heaven that awaits those who still worship the true God. Revel as did the Psalmist in the awe and glory of God’s creations. Marvel at His works and miracles. Most of all – give God all the glory and live!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Saturday, July 19, 2008
REMEMBER WHEN?
One hundred and fifty two worshipers at the eleven o’clock service with 50 more at the eight-thirty service. How long ago was it that this was the Sunday attendance at Winterville United Methodist Church? Can anyone remember? Can anyone recall who these members were and where are they now? Can you recall having twenty-five to thirty youths attending the church regularly? Where did they go? More importantly, why did they leave?
We know that several of our brothers and sisters in Christ have been called home by the Lord. But what about the rest, where are they and why did they leave? Another question to ask is what can we do to get new members in the front door and keep them coming back?
We know the answers to all these issues – and – we do keep one important factor in mind every time a visitor comes in to worship, we welcome them with a heartfelt love and invite them to join our activities. We call on them and ask if there is anything the church can do for them. We do not, as so many churches do, leave it all up to the pastor. But, we stop there. We do not go the second mile and find out what it is that the visitor is looking for in a church. We seem to have the mind-set that this is who we are and what we have to offer and if it is not what you are looking for – good luck in your church search. I recognize that we cannot be all things to all people. However, we do have very talented people in our church who can offer many services that the visitor needs in a church. We could have a vibrant and active Sunday school program for all ages that would appeal to most of the desired needs. We also could develop a Youth fellowship inclusive of a contemporary service. Plus additional activities to involve all ages and a physical atmosphere that would appeal to their visual senses too.
When Joann and I joined, it was not the building, it was not the preacher (sorry), it was the love and fellowship we felt from the moment we arrived. I can recall one lady coming up to us during the fellowship moment at the beginning of the service and welcoming us, as did another gentleman and yet another wonderful lady. After the service, these same people invited us to the last Wednesday supper which is the picnic and softball game at Wesley Whitehead Park. Actually one lovely woman's invitation was a bit more forward in that she said she would come get us and take us there. We also had met another couple at Tuckston UMC a year earlier. Add to this friendly atmosphere a music program far above that which a church of this size should have and we were sold. But, what about the other new-comers who visit our church? Can a warm and loving atmosphere do it all? Can good music do it all? I don’t think so.
A small church with good music, good preaching and friendly people is what my wife and I looked for, but that may not be the norm. Many people want a small friendly church, but with programs for their young children and teens. Many want Sunday Schools that cater to the needs of today with video, computer lessons and inter-active classes with lively teachers. Many are looking for an active and exciting youth program to help keep their teens in church and avoid the beckoning of that hedonistic culture so prevalent in today’s world.
So, how does a small church on a limited budget get all this going? Volunteers; volunteers who love this church and want to see it prosper in the future and not die. We have the core talents to make it all happen, but do we have the fortitude to stay-the-course? The United Methodist Men’s group a few months ago had 5 men (including the minister) show up for their meeting. The following month the number jumped to about 9 or 10, then, a good pal of mine challenged each man there to invite one man to come and join us. That next meeting we had 16 men show up. This story illustrates what just announcing and asking can do for membership. So, if we want more youth, have the youth members invite just one more to come and see what is happening. If done with enthusiasm – it will work. That goes for all our programs – go out with enthusiasm and invite just one un-churched neighbor to come and visit, no pressure, no hounding by the church to join. Step up, become part of the solution to helping this church grow exponentially so that having 150+ at the eleven o’clock service will be the norm – and – fifty or more in our eight-thirty service be a normal turnout. Can you imagine what we can do with that active membership who are committed to seeing Winterville UMC continue and grow? I can.
We know that several of our brothers and sisters in Christ have been called home by the Lord. But what about the rest, where are they and why did they leave? Another question to ask is what can we do to get new members in the front door and keep them coming back?
We know the answers to all these issues – and – we do keep one important factor in mind every time a visitor comes in to worship, we welcome them with a heartfelt love and invite them to join our activities. We call on them and ask if there is anything the church can do for them. We do not, as so many churches do, leave it all up to the pastor. But, we stop there. We do not go the second mile and find out what it is that the visitor is looking for in a church. We seem to have the mind-set that this is who we are and what we have to offer and if it is not what you are looking for – good luck in your church search. I recognize that we cannot be all things to all people. However, we do have very talented people in our church who can offer many services that the visitor needs in a church. We could have a vibrant and active Sunday school program for all ages that would appeal to most of the desired needs. We also could develop a Youth fellowship inclusive of a contemporary service. Plus additional activities to involve all ages and a physical atmosphere that would appeal to their visual senses too.
When Joann and I joined, it was not the building, it was not the preacher (sorry), it was the love and fellowship we felt from the moment we arrived. I can recall one lady coming up to us during the fellowship moment at the beginning of the service and welcoming us, as did another gentleman and yet another wonderful lady. After the service, these same people invited us to the last Wednesday supper which is the picnic and softball game at Wesley Whitehead Park. Actually one lovely woman's invitation was a bit more forward in that she said she would come get us and take us there. We also had met another couple at Tuckston UMC a year earlier. Add to this friendly atmosphere a music program far above that which a church of this size should have and we were sold. But, what about the other new-comers who visit our church? Can a warm and loving atmosphere do it all? Can good music do it all? I don’t think so.
A small church with good music, good preaching and friendly people is what my wife and I looked for, but that may not be the norm. Many people want a small friendly church, but with programs for their young children and teens. Many want Sunday Schools that cater to the needs of today with video, computer lessons and inter-active classes with lively teachers. Many are looking for an active and exciting youth program to help keep their teens in church and avoid the beckoning of that hedonistic culture so prevalent in today’s world.
So, how does a small church on a limited budget get all this going? Volunteers; volunteers who love this church and want to see it prosper in the future and not die. We have the core talents to make it all happen, but do we have the fortitude to stay-the-course? The United Methodist Men’s group a few months ago had 5 men (including the minister) show up for their meeting. The following month the number jumped to about 9 or 10, then, a good pal of mine challenged each man there to invite one man to come and join us. That next meeting we had 16 men show up. This story illustrates what just announcing and asking can do for membership. So, if we want more youth, have the youth members invite just one more to come and see what is happening. If done with enthusiasm – it will work. That goes for all our programs – go out with enthusiasm and invite just one un-churched neighbor to come and visit, no pressure, no hounding by the church to join. Step up, become part of the solution to helping this church grow exponentially so that having 150+ at the eleven o’clock service will be the norm – and – fifty or more in our eight-thirty service be a normal turnout. Can you imagine what we can do with that active membership who are committed to seeing Winterville UMC continue and grow? I can.
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Has the small town country church become passé?
In today’s society we see more and more small town and country churches fading away into oblivion. “Why?” we might ask ourselves. Didn’t our forefathers come out of these quaint small congregations where everyone knew one another, shared their pain and happiness. They would rejoice together at the birth of a healthy child and commiserate at the death of a loved one. With all of this built-in support system around them, and around those in these modern day small town and country churches, why would people leave? Conversely, why do mega-churches thrive today?
There may be more answers to the why in both scenarios than this rather opinionated article can or dare to propose. But, I’ve never been called faint-of-heart, more rather at times fool-hardy. So here is my two cents worth.
An obvious reason for the struggle small churches have is finances – simply stated, not enough seats in the seats. This is in no way empirical data gathered myself, but I’ve been told that one out of every ten regular attendees will tithe regularly. If this is true, simple math can resolve the fiscal issues most churches face. For example if there are 70 regular attendees in a small church with those tithers giving an average of $100 per week, that equates to $700 per Sunday or $2,800 per month (based on a 4 Sunday month). Now if the regular attendance numbers were – say – 300, and the same $100 per week tithe amount were used, this church would receive $3,000 per week and $12,000 per month. The answer here becomes as said earlier, obvious, the small church cannot afford to keep it’s doors open. So, in order for a small church to remain financially viable, several of those tithers must contribute infinitely more than the average. This is easier said than done, so small churches fade away usually because they simply cannot pay the bills any longer.
Another reason for the demise of the small church is anonymity – and the desire of people in our society to have anonymity. Being able to come and go without notice. No responsibility, no accountability and no close relationships – keeping it totally superficial and impersonal. This way you have complete freedom to go to church or not, tithe or not and no one notices. Neat, kind of like Casper the Friendly Ghost! This way you can do whatever you wish and have no fear of “running into” someone who is from your church – or worry about someone seeing you doing whatever. Total anonymity – now you see me, now you don’t. After all who needs the added responsibility of having fellow parishioners question your behavior, after all, it is strictly between you and God. As one of several hundred or thousand to go every Sunday, who will miss you every once-in-a-while should you decide not to go? And another side to this coin is the desire for recognition on a grand scale – an ego trip. If you become one of the church leaders in a large church hundreds or even thousands will know your name, and know how important you are.
A third reason for the small church failure rate is the “ruling class” who have been there forever refuse to change and refuse to allow growth. Often heard in meetings of the leadership and in private, “We like things just the way they are.” The obvious hold true here, when these members pass away, so does the church. Often times, from my observations, these are the money people of the church – those who donate that more than average amount and therefore are “entitled” to more say in the church planning and operations. The church is exactly where these “elite” few want it to be – no more, no less.
Finally, a dying church rarely will see it coming. As with a business entity, the most tell-tale sign is reduced revenues year-over-year. As expenses increase due to inflationary pressures and/or maintenance requirements of an aging structure, and, donations decline, the church fails just as a business would. But, a failing church takes much longer to die than a business would. A dying church will suffer a great deal before it breathes its last gasp. People will come offering help in the form of ideas, work and leadership abilities only to be frustrated by the roadblocks established over the years of complacency. But it will struggle on until the DS figuratively puts a gun to this suffering church’s head and pulls the trigger.
Can this trend be reversed? Not easily. Perhaps a dynamic minister and a healthy influx of money can be the elixir the church needs. Maybe everyone working towards the same ends is the answer. Maybe both are needed. But short of a God given and a God driven miracle – it just ain’t going to happen. We has met the deceased and they is us!
There may be more answers to the why in both scenarios than this rather opinionated article can or dare to propose. But, I’ve never been called faint-of-heart, more rather at times fool-hardy. So here is my two cents worth.
An obvious reason for the struggle small churches have is finances – simply stated, not enough seats in the seats. This is in no way empirical data gathered myself, but I’ve been told that one out of every ten regular attendees will tithe regularly. If this is true, simple math can resolve the fiscal issues most churches face. For example if there are 70 regular attendees in a small church with those tithers giving an average of $100 per week, that equates to $700 per Sunday or $2,800 per month (based on a 4 Sunday month). Now if the regular attendance numbers were – say – 300, and the same $100 per week tithe amount were used, this church would receive $3,000 per week and $12,000 per month. The answer here becomes as said earlier, obvious, the small church cannot afford to keep it’s doors open. So, in order for a small church to remain financially viable, several of those tithers must contribute infinitely more than the average. This is easier said than done, so small churches fade away usually because they simply cannot pay the bills any longer.
Another reason for the demise of the small church is anonymity – and the desire of people in our society to have anonymity. Being able to come and go without notice. No responsibility, no accountability and no close relationships – keeping it totally superficial and impersonal. This way you have complete freedom to go to church or not, tithe or not and no one notices. Neat, kind of like Casper the Friendly Ghost! This way you can do whatever you wish and have no fear of “running into” someone who is from your church – or worry about someone seeing you doing whatever. Total anonymity – now you see me, now you don’t. After all who needs the added responsibility of having fellow parishioners question your behavior, after all, it is strictly between you and God. As one of several hundred or thousand to go every Sunday, who will miss you every once-in-a-while should you decide not to go? And another side to this coin is the desire for recognition on a grand scale – an ego trip. If you become one of the church leaders in a large church hundreds or even thousands will know your name, and know how important you are.
A third reason for the small church failure rate is the “ruling class” who have been there forever refuse to change and refuse to allow growth. Often heard in meetings of the leadership and in private, “We like things just the way they are.” The obvious hold true here, when these members pass away, so does the church. Often times, from my observations, these are the money people of the church – those who donate that more than average amount and therefore are “entitled” to more say in the church planning and operations. The church is exactly where these “elite” few want it to be – no more, no less.
Finally, a dying church rarely will see it coming. As with a business entity, the most tell-tale sign is reduced revenues year-over-year. As expenses increase due to inflationary pressures and/or maintenance requirements of an aging structure, and, donations decline, the church fails just as a business would. But, a failing church takes much longer to die than a business would. A dying church will suffer a great deal before it breathes its last gasp. People will come offering help in the form of ideas, work and leadership abilities only to be frustrated by the roadblocks established over the years of complacency. But it will struggle on until the DS figuratively puts a gun to this suffering church’s head and pulls the trigger.
Can this trend be reversed? Not easily. Perhaps a dynamic minister and a healthy influx of money can be the elixir the church needs. Maybe everyone working towards the same ends is the answer. Maybe both are needed. But short of a God given and a God driven miracle – it just ain’t going to happen. We has met the deceased and they is us!
The Silent Church
Looking at the old structure now, one can hardly tell it was an alive and thriving church. The rusted lock and chains that secured the front doors have been easily broken now by vandals that have entered this relic of a building and taken anything of value to sell. The once majestic bell tower that stood as a beacon over the village green, pealing to all who will, come and worship the Lord our God, has collapsed from age and disrepair. Windows that once allowed the bright sunlight to flow into the sanctuary and classrooms are all gone, broken out by rock hurtling vandals. The once manicure grounds overgrown with wild brush and weeds. The last vestige of Christian faith to stand in this quaint friendly town’s center dead and gone while awaiting the wrecking ball.
Standing there, looking at this relic of days gone by with tears welling up from the fond memories of the wonderful people and times shared in that building, a jogger ran by, saw me starring stopped and asked, “What happened to this church?” “Where are the church members now? Did they move and just let the building go?” I sadly had to answer “No, the church could no longer support it’s self and its ministries, so it just closed up and shut down.” His response surprised me as he said “Wow, a caring, loving congregation allowing this to happen is hard to believe. I attended a few services here and the warm welcome I received made me feel right at home.” “Yes,” I said, “We were all that and more with a wonderful music program and some very hard working dedicated people to lead our programs. But as with everything, in time people wear out and without someone else to step in and take the lead, plus with the Sunday offerings shrinking by the week, the church just died.” “Well, this is not going to happen to MY church!” he assured me and jogged off. No? Are we ever sure this can never happen to us?
No, we cannot be sure, but we can take measures to insure our children and grandchildren have this church to call home, if they choose. This structure of brick and mortar is not the church, we are the church – you and I - and we can each do our part to ensure the continuation of this church. We all can take any opportunity we see to invite someone who does not have a church home to “come and see”. We can continue to support our ministries with our tithes and gifts. We can also join in and become part of the working force loaning whatever talents we have to building Sunday school, church attendance and Wednesday nights and our special programs. Let us all – each and every one of us , no matter what our age or our physical limitations do whatever we can to insure the events of the first paragraph above never becomes a reality here in our great town and our great church.
Standing there, looking at this relic of days gone by with tears welling up from the fond memories of the wonderful people and times shared in that building, a jogger ran by, saw me starring stopped and asked, “What happened to this church?” “Where are the church members now? Did they move and just let the building go?” I sadly had to answer “No, the church could no longer support it’s self and its ministries, so it just closed up and shut down.” His response surprised me as he said “Wow, a caring, loving congregation allowing this to happen is hard to believe. I attended a few services here and the warm welcome I received made me feel right at home.” “Yes,” I said, “We were all that and more with a wonderful music program and some very hard working dedicated people to lead our programs. But as with everything, in time people wear out and without someone else to step in and take the lead, plus with the Sunday offerings shrinking by the week, the church just died.” “Well, this is not going to happen to MY church!” he assured me and jogged off. No? Are we ever sure this can never happen to us?
No, we cannot be sure, but we can take measures to insure our children and grandchildren have this church to call home, if they choose. This structure of brick and mortar is not the church, we are the church – you and I - and we can each do our part to ensure the continuation of this church. We all can take any opportunity we see to invite someone who does not have a church home to “come and see”. We can continue to support our ministries with our tithes and gifts. We can also join in and become part of the working force loaning whatever talents we have to building Sunday school, church attendance and Wednesday nights and our special programs. Let us all – each and every one of us , no matter what our age or our physical limitations do whatever we can to insure the events of the first paragraph above never becomes a reality here in our great town and our great church.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Forgiving Is A Hard Thing To Do
What do you mean when you say, “Forgiving is the hardest thing to do?” You might answer this with, “I can forgive anyone, anytime, of anything!” But can you? Do you forgive in your heart the egregious wrongs done to you? Wrongs so deep they seep to the surface each time that person’s name is mentioned, or that incident is brought up in conversation? There is a popular phrase going around that says, “Forgive, but don’t forget!” What? “Forgive, but don’t forget,” if this is a truism, did we really forgive? I don’t think so.
Allow me to take you on a personal journey in my memory. About 40 years ago I was a young man with great aspirations in college studying political science to become an attorney and perhaps a politician. Along those lines, being from a lower middle class family, whose hourly blue collar worker step-dad and a clerical employee mother with a combined income as measured in today’s dollars of less than $45,000 in their best year, I needed to work in order to afford to go to college.
Now, for a “lazy bum” as my step-dad would call me from time-to-time, (and I guess he was right) this was a real challenge. I worked 30 hours a week during the school year at a supermarket stocking shelves, bagging groceries, or operating the register. When school was not in session and over the summer months, I worked construction operating a backhoe, front loader and a bulldozer. On the weekends, even when school was in session I worked at a local corner gas station. So as you can see, for a self-admitted “lazy bum” I had a fire within me to end up financially better than my parents and as the youngest in my family, to be at least equal to my siblings. I did this for four years.
One day while working construction, the owner of the development said he wanted to burn a pile of trees and shrubs that had been cleared from the land. He asked if I had a can that he could get some diesel fuel or kerosene in and went off to get this “starter” to burn the pile of cuttings. Now, let me say that this pile of cuttings was at least 20-25 feet in diameter and about as high as a one story building. In those days, I smoked cigarettes, so after about three hours of operating a diesel backhoe with those fumes filling my nostrils and smoking several cigarettes, my sense of smell was pretty dull.
This fellow returned with what I thought was kerosene or diesel fuel, both non-explosive liquids, but instead had brought 5 gallons of gasoline. He asked if I would douse the pile and being a good employee I said that I would and proceeded to put this fluid all over the stack as high as I could toss it. He then said for me to get up into the stack and get the upper part, too. Again being obedient, I did. What I did not know was, earlier in the morning he had asked some laborers to try to light this stack and some embers from their effort where still glowing hot. As much as I can recall I tossed two, maybe three splashes when suddenly I was being encircled by flames followed by an explosion. I cannot recall anything else clearly until I was in the emergency room at the local hospital. From witnesses’ accounts, once again in my life, the Lord was with me even though I had turned my back to Him. The explosion sent me flying through the flames into the air about 50-60 feet then up against the second story wall of the closest apartment building in this complex. Being 21 years old at the time, I did not sustain any broken bones, just a lot of serious bumps and bruises, and also first, second, and a few third degree burns over my body.
Not once did that man inquire as to my condition that I know of; he never visited me and the next time I saw him some 2 months later he acted as if nothing had happened. He never said, “Hey Gary, I’m really sorry about that incident”, or anything else acknowledging that event. I hated him! I wished him dead! And I carried that in my heart for years – 30 years at that. I would tell people that so-and-so better not cross the street in front of my car! The hurt, pain and hatred burned deep into my psyche.
About 12 years ago, I re-committed my life to the Lord thanks in great part to my wonderful wife, Joann. I said at the time that, as the Lord’s Prayer says, “Forgive us our transgressions as we forgive those who transgress against us.” I, in my conscious mind forgave everyone who had “wronged” me. The professors who I felt gave me lower grades than deserved, to those who had beat me out in business dealings, to this man who almost killed me and didn’t care. But did I really forgive him? Not really. I carried that grudge for another couple of years until speaking with a pastor friend of mine and he simply asked that I pray for that man – not a lecture on how I should forgive him. This sounded totally wrong and begrudgingly at first, I began to mention Howard in my prayers and found over time I was praying for the salvation of his soul. I also found that I no longer hated him, but felt compassion for him – and even mourned when I read of his death about a year ago.
The moral of this confession is that we do not have to forgive and forget those who have wronged us, just pray for them. You will find as I did that by just mentioning them in your prayers, over time your “hurt” will go away and you will feel an “un-natural” compassion for them. You will also discover that you are praying for them, not just mentioning them in your daily prayers – and praying for their well-being, not their harm.
An analogy I have heard time-and-time again is that hard feelings and hatred is like you taking poison and hoping the other person will die. But by praying for them you will discover that you no longer hate that person, nor hold any grudge against them no matter what they’ve done. So do not “forgive and forget”, pray for them and let the Lord turn your heart and wipe you thoughts clean of the hurt you suffered. As I write, I am reminded of the Hymn “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face and the things of earth, will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.”
Allow me to take you on a personal journey in my memory. About 40 years ago I was a young man with great aspirations in college studying political science to become an attorney and perhaps a politician. Along those lines, being from a lower middle class family, whose hourly blue collar worker step-dad and a clerical employee mother with a combined income as measured in today’s dollars of less than $45,000 in their best year, I needed to work in order to afford to go to college.
Now, for a “lazy bum” as my step-dad would call me from time-to-time, (and I guess he was right) this was a real challenge. I worked 30 hours a week during the school year at a supermarket stocking shelves, bagging groceries, or operating the register. When school was not in session and over the summer months, I worked construction operating a backhoe, front loader and a bulldozer. On the weekends, even when school was in session I worked at a local corner gas station. So as you can see, for a self-admitted “lazy bum” I had a fire within me to end up financially better than my parents and as the youngest in my family, to be at least equal to my siblings. I did this for four years.
One day while working construction, the owner of the development said he wanted to burn a pile of trees and shrubs that had been cleared from the land. He asked if I had a can that he could get some diesel fuel or kerosene in and went off to get this “starter” to burn the pile of cuttings. Now, let me say that this pile of cuttings was at least 20-25 feet in diameter and about as high as a one story building. In those days, I smoked cigarettes, so after about three hours of operating a diesel backhoe with those fumes filling my nostrils and smoking several cigarettes, my sense of smell was pretty dull.
This fellow returned with what I thought was kerosene or diesel fuel, both non-explosive liquids, but instead had brought 5 gallons of gasoline. He asked if I would douse the pile and being a good employee I said that I would and proceeded to put this fluid all over the stack as high as I could toss it. He then said for me to get up into the stack and get the upper part, too. Again being obedient, I did. What I did not know was, earlier in the morning he had asked some laborers to try to light this stack and some embers from their effort where still glowing hot. As much as I can recall I tossed two, maybe three splashes when suddenly I was being encircled by flames followed by an explosion. I cannot recall anything else clearly until I was in the emergency room at the local hospital. From witnesses’ accounts, once again in my life, the Lord was with me even though I had turned my back to Him. The explosion sent me flying through the flames into the air about 50-60 feet then up against the second story wall of the closest apartment building in this complex. Being 21 years old at the time, I did not sustain any broken bones, just a lot of serious bumps and bruises, and also first, second, and a few third degree burns over my body.
Not once did that man inquire as to my condition that I know of; he never visited me and the next time I saw him some 2 months later he acted as if nothing had happened. He never said, “Hey Gary, I’m really sorry about that incident”, or anything else acknowledging that event. I hated him! I wished him dead! And I carried that in my heart for years – 30 years at that. I would tell people that so-and-so better not cross the street in front of my car! The hurt, pain and hatred burned deep into my psyche.
About 12 years ago, I re-committed my life to the Lord thanks in great part to my wonderful wife, Joann. I said at the time that, as the Lord’s Prayer says, “Forgive us our transgressions as we forgive those who transgress against us.” I, in my conscious mind forgave everyone who had “wronged” me. The professors who I felt gave me lower grades than deserved, to those who had beat me out in business dealings, to this man who almost killed me and didn’t care. But did I really forgive him? Not really. I carried that grudge for another couple of years until speaking with a pastor friend of mine and he simply asked that I pray for that man – not a lecture on how I should forgive him. This sounded totally wrong and begrudgingly at first, I began to mention Howard in my prayers and found over time I was praying for the salvation of his soul. I also found that I no longer hated him, but felt compassion for him – and even mourned when I read of his death about a year ago.
The moral of this confession is that we do not have to forgive and forget those who have wronged us, just pray for them. You will find as I did that by just mentioning them in your prayers, over time your “hurt” will go away and you will feel an “un-natural” compassion for them. You will also discover that you are praying for them, not just mentioning them in your daily prayers – and praying for their well-being, not their harm.
An analogy I have heard time-and-time again is that hard feelings and hatred is like you taking poison and hoping the other person will die. But by praying for them you will discover that you no longer hate that person, nor hold any grudge against them no matter what they’ve done. So do not “forgive and forget”, pray for them and let the Lord turn your heart and wipe you thoughts clean of the hurt you suffered. As I write, I am reminded of the Hymn “Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face and the things of earth, will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.”
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